As a kinkster, am I alone in finding ordinary vanilla sex dull?
That isn’t to say that I always expect my bed partners to be swinging from the chandeliers with a whip at their belt and a knife in their teeth but I have to say that the idea of merely going to bed fills me with dread. ‘Going to bed’ in my vernacular is code for going to sleep. I ‘go to bed’ in order to get some shut eye. Not to indulge in endless in-and-out that I’m not getting off on. If there’s no spice in it for me, it’s not really that exciting. I’d rather have the sleep to be honest, that’s something I’m pretty deprived of!
I do worry about this sometimes. Does it mean that I am in some way emotionally stunted and I can’t get off on what any other couple would describe as a natural and loving act? Am I an adrenaline junkie, who needs to feed of her fear and pain in order to achieve orgasm? Or is it that ‘vanilla’ women don’t, as is frequently noted in magazines, have orgasms from sex, or at least not as often as the men?
I do know, from frequent Kinky Girls Nights Out that women find it hard to achieve orgasm from penetration. Often, we require some other help, from fingers or mouths. Scientifically, this is due to the fact that orgasms in women are centred on the clitoris whereas the act of penetration is centred on the vagina, so unless you have some convenient friction or the angle is right, women do find it hard to come from sex.
It feels somewhat abhorrent to say this. It feels like I’m saying (and to a certain extent I am) that being vanilla bores me. That yes, I like cuddling and talking but when the cuddling and talking develops into sexual activity with no BDSM context, whilst I don’t exactly mind it, I do get bored. And if I know that’s all that’s going to be on offer, it’s like expecting to go to a five-star restaurant and then suddenly finding yourself in McDonalds.
Chicken McNuggets anyone?
Jessica, it all depends on your drug of choice and what you have become accustomed to.
And possibly the skill of your man.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
I guess it depends what you see as vanilla, I like vanilla sex in as much as I don’t need to be in role, nor do I need to be beaten first, but I like it to have a little bit of a twist, like having my arms held above my head, or being called a slut or whatever… I do have a tendancy towards horribly dirty talk, which is why I have my rule about not quoting things I say during sex.