Non consensual play or ‘non consensual’ is one of the thorny sides of the BDSM world. Generally, there are two types of this play – in my definition the type of non consensual play without the inverted commas is where the sub doesn’t have a safe-word and the type of ‘non consensual’ play with inverted commas is where the scene is something where the play appears to be without consent – such as a rape play – but in reality, the sub has requested and/or consented to this and has the opportunity to stop if it becomes too much.
Why do I like this kind of play? Well, to a certain extent, a lot of roleplay-based BDSM revolves around the idea that the submissive is in some way being made to act against her will – such as a reformatory girl, bound to obey the whims of her masters or an Uncle who wants to have his wicked way with his niece. One of the main reasons that I like it is because as a submissive I am quite bad at articulating my desires and non-con play means that I don’t have to work to get what I want, I just get it, with no hesitation involved from me. At the same time, I wonder if deep down, I still think that the mere fact that I get turned on by being spanked or caned or roughly fucked is in some way ‘a bad thing’ and that if the scene is non-con I can revel in the feeling of being hurt and abused without any of the associated guilt. Even if I secretly know that I like it, I want it and the people I play with are not mad, bad and dangerous to know.*
So I enjoy being tied down, held down, being dragged by my hair, treated roughly, having my face slapped, being thrashed for the dom’s pleasure and many other things. All behaviours that in real life, if perpetuated on me, would see the person being charged with assault.
It’s commonly known that rape features in the top ten lists of women’s sexual fantasies on a regular basis. The rational part of me always wonders why – because it must be horrible to have sex against your will, with someone you don’t like. But the inside part of me, my dirty little secret if you like, really likes that. I like the feeling of losing control, of losing my power to own my own body. And non-consensual play is the same – I love the feeling of being overwhelmed, both physically and mentally by someone who is stronger than me.
It’s a difficult thing to get right, especially for the dom involved and it relies to a certain extent on the submissive being very honest about how she feels and what she wants from the scene. But that’s why I’m looking forward to the reformatory this week so much, because it takes me to a very dark place inside myself that really excites me. Why, I don’t really know. To quote Lady Gaga (who really must be a submissive) at this point:
‘And baby when it’s love, if it’s not rough, it isn’t fun….’
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*At least not all the time!
Jessica, this rape fantasy is something, as a male, I find hard to understand.
As long as it remains a fantasy; the real thing is rather less fun.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
You know Jessica, this whole article that you wrote, from non-con, and the imagining yourself to be someone else (the wild & bad bikie girl) through to Lady Gaga, is always as I had imagined it to be, but this is the first time that I’ve actually heard anyone express it.
Cheers,
Les