Bend Over Jessica

As a submissive, should you ask for play?

 Every instinct I have tells me no. In addition to the general thing about me being a woman and liking to wait for a man to ask me*, as a submissive, I like to think that the dom is the one to initiate play – the one who feels that I need punishment, who wants to play, who wants to use me and abuse me as he sees fit.

 I’ve spent a lot of time in the past six months whinging about lack of offers. Therefore, I’m pleased to report that prior to my weekend in Derbyshire, I received two offers of play before the weekend – one from Abel and one from HH. Due to circumstances beyond my control, i.e. being shy and not being in the right place at the right time, neither of them happened. But that’s not the point. I still got offers of play and both offers brightened my day and boosted my ego!

 I have this problem an awful lot with HWMBO. When I see The Lover, which is once a week, we plan in advance what we will play and unless one of us is unwell or just feeling not up for it, when we meet, we play. However, because I live with HWMBO and see him every day, he often ends up not initiating play as I feel is his role. Admittedly, he’s not helped by my manic social life – I rarely have a free weeknight in the week and weekends are often given over to seeing friends, or doing group events. So to try and overcome this, we make ‘date nights’, like my friends who have children – except in my case, I want him to beat me till I cry and then fuck me roughly with no compunction whatsoever.

Even on date nights though, it can sometimes be a bit odd. Basically, I start to feel aroused at lunchtime. In the evening, we still need to have dinner, do a few chores and allow dinner to digest**. And so often, I am sitting, waiting – like I am now, typing madly away whilst waiting, waiting for it to start – and HWMBO is either watching Channel 4 news or worse, Kirsty Allsop doing property porn. It’s at this point that I normally want to scream “It’s my turn! Shag me!!!!!”

 This is the essential problem with being in a long-term relationship. People often tell me how lucky I am, I’m married, I have a lovely husband, I have someone who loves and cares for me. Check, check check. And believe me, I love being how I am and I’m very lucky. But at the same time, it makes you lazy. Whereas with The Lover, we plan play and I know HWMBO spends time planning and enjoying his playmates – with each other, it sometimes falls by the wayside with each other, simply because we do see each other all the time. So there is no urgency to play, no desperate urge to savour each other’s bodies, because we can do it whenever we want. But somehow, this means we don’t do it as often as I’d like.

 Then, I get cross. I wait to be asked. Despite the fact that I know that HWMBO, in common with most men, responds much better to a direct request than an indirect yearning, I wait. Because for me, to ask to play is an anathema – people should want to play with me, I shouldn’t have to nag to get it. So I don’t ask. And HWMBO chills on the sofa, not realising that I am typing away, getting crosser and crosser, so when we do eventually start playing I feel resentful and cross because he hasn’t done it sooner.

 Oooo. He’s just said to go and get ready and I can see that there’s a notice from Lord Fawcett on the bedroom door…..

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*Yes, Jessica is a sexist beast

**Very important to HWMBO, whose digestion process takes roughly the same time as a glacier’s progress through the French Alps.