I really enjoy getting comments on my posts. I think it’s really nice that I’ve engaged a person enough to take the time to write something.
The flip side of this is that I don’t agree with all the comments I get and sometimes feel, well, shall we say ‘narked’ by the tone of some of them. Especially when they are patronising…..
So when I read a comment that is less than complimentary about my powers of explanation, my train of thought or just outright disagreement, one of my first feelings is to think DELETE!
But I never do. Because free speech is free speech and the whole point is that eventually, someone won’t agree with you. So I just try not to take it personally and just let it flow over my head. Well at least it flows over my head after the first two minutes of being really annoyed by it. And then I get amused by myself for being annoyed. Because really, who cares? It’s not someone having a go at me, it’s just someone disagreeing with what I’ve said. And if I think I’m right and they think they are right, well, we just have to agree to disagree.
Hmmm, I feel all virtuous now!
Interestingly, I know this is how you react. It doesn’t stop me from disagreeing with you from time to time, because I know that ultimately I like you very much, I hope you feel the same way, and our friendship will not at all be dented by some words on the internet, or even fundamental differences of opinion about how we live our lives or enjoy our BDSM.
I think when you post stuff on the internet, for anyone and everyone to read, you have to make that decision – will you censor or won’t you? Because the only guarantee there is is that you’ll get stuff posted that riles you!
But if I wasn’t confident you’d read (and leave) my comments, I would stop reading your blog. Because sometimes I do disagree with what you’ve written, and sometimes that’s a strong enough disagreement that I really feel I need to tell you about it (hopefully in a nice way, well, I try). If I had no ‘right of reply’ I’d just get cross, so I’d stop reading. And as this is the only blog I read with any kind of regularity, it’d just be me and IC then…
(And if it helps, I had my work appraisal yesterday and got told off for taking criticism personally, so you’re not alone…
)
Jessica, so, what a surprise, you are human, and not wonder woman.
As Little Nic says, none of us like criticism.
I enjoy your writing, I hope that I never appear patronising, I don’t intend to.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
I don’t know Jess – I think it’s entirely reasonable to have a comment policy on your own web space. If somebody is rude, for example, you have no obligation to to keep their precious opinion there for everybody to see.
On the other hand, if we never disagreed, there could never be any discussion, which would get incredibly boring. If a comment is polite, but disagrees with your point and fails to convince you, just disagree back at it!
Hmmm, I was trying to think of something truly and utterly patronizing to say in response, but sorry, I just don’t have it in me today. Maybe because I just spelled it with a z.
I agree with Haron that you have the right to delete rude responses, as there’s no need for a disagreement to descend into incivility. Otherwise, I agree with you. Strong opinions, by blogger or commentator, often get strong responses. I suspect that can occasionally be hurtful or frustrating among friends, but it’s a hell of a lot better than having to be all the same just to be kinky.
@littlenic: you are a pleasure to disagree with, even when we don’t really disagree.
I too get very annoyed and sometimes upset at comments on my blog. I do leave them up though, but generally feel the need to have my say and reply. And yes discussion is good, but being rude or disrespectful is not.
And that’s just my own blog. I find it much harder when it comes to Winterbrook. It’s great that people comment and I love when people speculate on the storylines, but I remember the first time someone reacted badly to a post I’d writen and wrote something very negative. I was genuinely hurt over it.
Of course the person was talking about the character but it’s not always easy to disentangle the character from the writer
It’s a funny one – but I think as you write such thought provoking stuff some disagreement is always going to happen and it’s good that you open up space for discussions
If you write publically and, sometimes, provocatively, you must expect dissenting comments. If all comments are 100% supportive then you are only chatting with your friends, preaching to the converted. Dissenting comment, however, implies that you may have engaged with someone’s strongly held views. I’m with Haron in that you are entitled to delete stupid, offensive comments and I also agree with EmmaJane’s policy of engagement through commenting on comments.