Bend Over Jessica

I really thought that peer pressure was something that stopped once you walked out of the school  gates – but apparently not. I’ve been very surprised a few times lately about how hard it is to take a stand because you’re not sure that you want to do something.

When I really was in school, I didn’t really run with the crowd. This was partly because in my school, the dodgiest of dodgy comprehensives, being clever automatically made you uncool. But I was a late starter with lots of things – boys, drinks, smoking* and I wasn’t interested in the usual female pursuits of music and clothes. I was reminded of myself as a teenager when listening to a song by The Saturdays recently…

I always used to be the shy girl,
Not a hot girl and not’ your type’ girl
I never cared about the cool clothes
About the right shoes, making the right moves…

I’m not used to being the first pick
Like the cool chick, from the in-clique
I have always gone my own way
Been my own girl, in my own world…

So at school, I was always the eccentric. I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to. And in a strange way, people respected that.

In my adult life, I’ve tried to do the same thing. It’s not always easy. I’m often the person who ends up going out on a limb, saying that I’m not keen on something that someone else has suggested. I don’t at all see that as an insult to the other person – just because I’m not keen doesn’t mean that it’s  bad idea, but it’s my choice if I want to participate or not. But then, after I’ve stuck my neck out and been the one who risks offending the person, other people say “Oh, I’m glad you said that, I was thinking that as well.” So why didn’t they say so? Because of peer pressure. Nobody wants to be seen as the killjoy, the party-pooper.

I think this is especially relevant in the scene when you have the thorny problem of knowing a lot of people and although you like everyone, you don’t always want to play with everyone. Quite a few times when I was getting into the scene, I said yes to play not because I really wanted to or because I fancied the person but because I knew they wanted to and I didn’t have the heart to say no. I still have this problem – there are some male doms who are very nice people but I just don’t really fancy playing with them. Luckily I’m now past the bounteous stage in my life where lots of people want to play with me, so I have to deal with it less these days!

Anyway, at least now I know my own mind. That I play with people because I want to. Not because I feel obliged to, because it might hurt someone’s feelings, because another of my female friends want me to. It has to be what I want as well. And I’m going to hold that thought, no matter what might be said about me behind my back. Because I’m doing what’s right for me. Full stop.

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*I never even took that up!