I sometimes really wish I could take more CP.
Last week, I got spanked by He Who Must Be Obeyed for not very much, but I was up for it. That was until he actually started spanking me and suddenly, it was really hurting. HWMBO has a very hard hand so being spanked by him, especially in mock outrage, is pretty ouchy. Then he quickly swapped to a paddle and suddenly that was it, I was crying big fat tears into the sofa as he blistered my bottom.
I’m not sure if I was actually crying from the pain of the spanking or the humiliation of not being able to take it or both, but all I know is that I was utterly mortified. Why couldn’t I take more? Why was I such a wimp?
In general, I do try hard not to let myself get taken over by the competitive urge in spanking. Because I know deep down that it doesn’t matter how much I take. However, when I then see another of my friends take a very hard beating or read about the exploits of some of my more bold friends, I feel ashamed.
I’ve been playing now for over a decade and in the early years, I had a reputation for being able to take an awful lot and yes, I hate to say, I showed off. This all came to a halt when I was 24, when I was beaten to blood and afterwards had to take six months off the scene until my poor bottom recovered. After that, a more sober Jessica decided that she was going to be a little more sensible about things and take less and to have a hard limit that any cut, any blood, now matter how small, meant an instant stop to the scene. And my skin is all the better for it and I won’t have an arse like a rhino by the time I’m 35. As time has gone on, my tolerance has dropped and eventually, I am where I am now, which seems to be that I cry at nothing. Which brings me to the scalding shame.
I know perfectly well that it’s better to have too little than too much. I don’t want to be one of these people who just gets hit and hit so much that it desensitises them and then every time, it has to be hard and to actually make an impression you almost have to batter them senseless. Doms like to feel they are making an impression without hitting you with a lump hammer. But surely there has to be a happy medium between being a hard-arse and being a wimp? Because I like to be in the middle. I don’t want to be the class baby. Nobody ever wants to be the one who cries first.
Jessica, as one gets older, it’s inevitable that one can do less, the upside is that experience kicks in.
It seems to me as an onlooker that you are a valuable asset to your younger friends.
So it’s swings and roundabouts dear girl, so while others may beat you in the pain stakes, when it comes to organizing, wow!!!
Warm hugs,
Paul.
You’ve said yourself that the point of the whole of BDSM is the mental side, at least for lots of us it is. It’s not a competition (and if it were, I’d loose, I’m not a hard arse and I don’t pretend to be) there’s nothing wrong with responding to pain with “Ow , that hurts.” It’s so much nicer to be the kind of person who reacts to someone completely stoic. Who want’s to cane a girl who’s going “Yeah? And?” or “Yeah… a bit to the left please.” That’s not what the males you play with get off on so being super pain tolerant would be counterproductive.
Actually as the one in my group who is stoic and never cries I’m jealous of those who can. I’d trade my ability to take it hard with your ability to cry any day.
Don’t forget the all important fact that your body’s tolerance is not a constant level!
Many things can cause your tolerance (pain, etc) to fluctuate. Your chemistry dictates how your brain reacts to nerve signals from your body – some days you can be extra sensitive, and others you can take a beating without batting an eyelash or shedding a tear.
Beside, as Scarlett so wisely put it, we spankers adore the tears and reactions!
-D
Ps> is that your actual bottom in the photo attachment?
Hey lovely girl, don’t worry I think it’s a bit of a case of swings and roundabouts – sometimes you want to play hard and sometimes you’re not in that headspace. I reckon it’s a winter thing because I’m a bit wet right now as well – I think sometimes when we get upset quickly it’s because you’re under the weather or upset or down about something else. It’s nothing to worry about and at some point the switch will flick back the other way and you’ll start wanting to take loads again. In the meantime be nice to yourself and play sensually – I bet it’s a winter thing – we’re 4 days off the longest day of the year – as soon as the sun comes round (or we get pretty snow!) you’ll feel more ‘go’! And really who cares if you cry – I cry all the time – it’s just when it gets snotty it’s unpleasant…I’m rambling now but fret not xox
Fluctuations in pain tolerance really are amazing, aren’t they? Twice recently, I’ve just found that everything hurts and I was only willing to go so far. After each of those occasions, I played again a few days later and was as close to a pain slut as I get. It’s so frustrating when your body can’t take what your mind wants on a given day…