Bend Over Jessica

I was going to try and write another diary entry for the Saturday and Sunday at Fawcett Hall, but ran out of time because of packing madly for New York*. So I thought maybe you could have the edited highlights instead. In particular this one….

Mrs Derby was indisposed on Saturday night and was unable to partake in any of that night’s planned debaucheries, much to her sorrows. So at 4.30am, when she felt better, she was raring to go and as Lord Fawcett is not at his best in the early hours, she decided to seek out Mr Conningsby, who, being a fellow businessman, is used to rising early.

So, dressed in her long cotton nightdress and robe, but forgoing a candle, Mrs Derby crept down the darkened corridors and slipped into Mr Conningsby’s pitch-black room. Feeling a figure in the bed, she gently shook the sleeping figure, whilst whispering his name. Something along the lines of “Mr Conningsby – is that you?”

The recumbent figure awoke – and then, in a very female voice, admitted that no, she wasn’t Mr Conningsby. At that point, Mr Conningsby’s voice, from the other side of the bed, informed Mrs Derby that he was over there.

Mrs Derby suffered a single moment of extreme social embarrassment.

Then Mr Conningsby suggested that Mrs Derby got in the other side.

I shall spare the other lady guests blushes by not naming her, but I think it is safe to say that a debauched scene of very many bare legs in the bed ensued. Around 6am, Mr Conningsby** wrote a note for Lord Fawcett and sent Mrs Derby and the unnamed other young lady along to Lord Fawcett’s room.

Lord Fawcett, despite the early hour and the shock of two young ladies getting into his bed on either side of him, managed to rise to the occasion, especially as the note from Mr Conningsby claimed to have caught the two young ladies in Sapphic activity and he felt that Lord Fawcett was required to turn them both back to the ways of manly love.***

Thus ensured a second extremely debauched scene which sent Mrs Derby down to breakfast two hours later as hungry as a hunter. The first person she met was Thomas., the footman. Footmen know absolutely everything as soon as it has happened by a combination of whispers, observations and general strange psychic ability.

“Good gallop Mrs Derby?” he said whilst pouring her tea.

“Very invigorating.”

“How were the horses?”

“I was forced to change mid-gallop, but they both acquitted themselves well.”

“Oh excellent. Bacon?”

“Yes please. Oh and take Lord Fawcett two cups with his morning tea. He is engaged.”

“I already have Madam.”

“Jolly good. Well done Thomas.”

I love having staff.

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*But suffering the usual female problem of trying to fit 40 outfits into one case for six days.
**Somewhat worn out
*** Not sure what this means. Does Mr Conningsby fancy Lord Fawcett, or vice versa?