….with a kinky person or otherwise.
1. Wear heels that are so high that you can’t actually walk more than three yards in them. I know they make your legs look good, but you do then look like a woman from Sex and the City in a bad way.
2. Whilst wearing said heels, trip over a paving slab and fall over. Not elegant.
3. Throw items of your dinner (to whit, king prawns) across the restaurant and into someone else’s pudding. Even if it was an accident and you were only trying to peel them.
4. Knock yourself out and end up in casualty. It’s not romantic there, even if the guy is into medical play.
5. Go to the loo and come out with your skirt tucked into your knickers and show your first date knickers to the bar.
6. Wear cheap hold-up stockings and spend the entire date trying to stop one of them from creeping slowly down your leg like a retreating snail.
7. Choke on the blackberry in your mojito and spray cocktail over your date.
8. Break the table decoration in the restaurant.
9. Flirt accidentally with the barman, infuriating your date so much that he leaves.
10. Get outrageously drunk and embarrassing.
11. Get only a little bit drunk but still be embarrassing.
12. Be embarrassing full stop. There are several ways to do this, but as a general rule don’t tell a dirty joke, an embarrassing sex story or talk about your last boyfriend.
13. Watch out for doors with glass in them. Walking into one, not realising there is a door there will cause a comedy style moment where you hit it and slide down it and your date laughs uproariously.
14. If you eat garlic, make sure he does as well.
15. If you snog him., don’t do it on a rainy October night in London and stand by the side of the road with a big puddle on it. Because the next black cab that comes past will find it very funny to soak both of you.
How do I know all this? Well…ahem….we all have out little moments, don’t we!
Number 7 is just asking for trouble… I mean, putting your date’s Blackberry into their mojito…
Such a funny post!
Jessica, a lifetime of “o my god” moments in one post, hilarious, do you still blush when you look back.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
You actually managed number 3? Well done! That shows impressive comedy skill!
I once did something very close to #3 on a job interview, dropping my sushi into the soy sauce from a great height and splashing it all over my companions’ trousers, as well as my own. Yes, you can see soy sauce stains on black.
Did the trip to casualty have anything to do with the heels?
Hello Jessica
This high-heel fetish: Surely it’s a female obsession. I much prefer my female friends to wear low-heel footwear. And high heels ruin the feet. Look at the appendages of any women your mother’s age who has worn high heels a great deal. Her feet are destroyed. (Living down by the beach on Maui, I either go barefoot or wear slides, though most of my friends wear thongs.) Stockings? Garter belt is the way to go. If you expect a first date to have a riotous conclusion, don’t bother with knickers! Less for the chap to have to deal with.
Yrs in pervery, Adrian
Sincerely hope these weren’t all on the same date – the date from hell. There again, perhaps better to get them all over with in one go. G
reat post, thanks for the laugh.
Haha this makes me giggle! Can I add almost breaking their arm (it was an accident – honest!) xx