An interesting topic of conversation came up last week during our monthly ‘Kinky Girls Night Out*’ Mostly instigated by me, because it’s something I’m interested in and doesn’t involve men’s bits**.
Back on my quest to understand the dynamics of group scenes, I wanted to know what the others thought about competition in scenes. Let me explain….
I have noticed, in my years of playing, that there can often be an element of competition amongst doms when playing in a group. Such as “Hmmm, you didn’t hit her very hard. Let me show you how hard I can do it!” I don’t find this surprising. What are doms after all but big bags of ego and evilness? What does surprise me though is that I’ve also noticed competition amongst subs. Which tends to be “Whee! I’m so hard! Look how many strokes of the cane I can take, you pathetic excuse for a submissive!” Obviously, I have never had this articulated to me in quite those terms*** but sometimes, there is just the slightly smug smile when the submissive stands up, the breathless incantation of how she felt on the 765th cane stroke, the lack of marking, the slight sneer when you meekly admit to only taking 12.
Now, I’m going to kick off with admitting that I get competitive – as anyone who has played netball with me at Lowewood Academy will witness, especially if they were at the June Lowewood and watched me row publicly with Mr Shaftebotham over a foul, swear a lot in the manner of Wayne Rooney and then storm off the pitch in high dudgeon, later refusing to be punished for it and driving He Who Must Be Obeyed to drop out of being Mr Shaftebotham whilst he tried to understand my tears of rage at losing the match. Yes. Ahem. Anyway….in scenes, I am well aware that I can’t take as much punishment as some of the other girls I know, so sometimes, I actually try really hard to avoid getting punished**** because I’m afraid that I’ll cry in front of everyone and appear to be a wimp and that people will sneer. So it’s a reverse competition if you like. I’m afraid of being caught out in the scene as being the class baby. I have no objection to being wussy in private scenes, because they are between me and the Dom, but in a group, I like to show I can take it. I’m well ‘ard, me!
So I asked the others what they thought. They all vehemently denied being competitive in scenes and were horrified at the thought that a girl being punished might be worrying that the others were sneering at her. It wasn’t nice, they protested. It was at that moment that I cursed the fact that it was July and we were a slightly depleted group, several people being on holiday.
Yes, but what about when you’re watching someone being caned? How do you feel if she is taking it badly?
“Interested”, “Worried”, “I feel sorry for her and want to cuddle her”, “I look at the Dom to check he/she is happy with how she’s taking it”, “I start feeling sick, especially if I’m next”, “I wonder if she’s got her period.” were some of the responses.
What if she cries?
“Then it’s no fun anymore. Not unless I know she doesn’t mind.” was the general consensus.
So there you have it. Obviously, I have been lying there all these years, trying not so much as to squeak whilst the eager eyes of the class are looking at my quivering backside and the whole time, they are actually thinking “Ahhh, poor Jessica” and not “God, is she squealing again?”
Hmmmm. Ok. That’s the subs viewpoint. In the next episode of ‘Competitive Instinct’, I’m going to be asking the doms what they think. But not tomorrow. This is an ongoing saga. I’ll probably get asked to appear on GMTV to talk about it….
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*Coming soon to a pub or bar near you! No nudity (sorry!)
**It doesn’t? Is Jessica ill?
***Jessica freely acknowledges that she is a wimp when it comes to CP
****Surely the whole point of it is that you do get punished, I hear you all cry? Well – yes.
If someone seems to be really struggling or upset my first instinct is always to worry if they are ok – because things like school days are supposed to be fun (in my head). I know that if I react very badly to being whacked or get upset it’s normally because there is something going on in my head that’s often completely unrelated to the scene but that I’M upset which translates into Rebecca the schoolgirl being upset. It’s very much not a competition – I’m the most competitive person in the world but not about playing – it’s far too personal and you have to do what’s right for you. To be honest it can be quite boring watching complete stoics getting whacked – a bit of wriggling is far sexier. That said, I think group scenes do work best when everyone is in the same book in terms of how hard they like to play but they don’t need to be on completely the same page – how dull would it be if we were all exactly the same?!
For those of us who read a lot of old-fashioned school caning/whipping stories– mostly M/m– as kids, taking it bravely is part of the kink, especially if others are watching. Of course, in real life, I would have done nothing of the sort and would have backed down at the mere threat of the indignity of a school spanking. So while I don’t feel exactly competitive with bottoms who can clearly take more than i can, I completely understand the fear of being a wimp publicly.
I would have loved to see your Wayne Rooney imitation!
i am generally stoic and a very hard player. that said, i pretty much know what level all my friends are on. when playing with them i tend to feel very protective (ecspecially if one of my close play partners is topping). i feel a sense of responsibility that everyone has a good scene.
now if i’m with a good friend and i know they play hard as well…sometimes a good dose of competition enhances the scene. with my friends who play lighter theres no competitive spark at all. i want us all to have a good time.
Jessica. “What are Dom’s after all but big bags of ego and evilness?”
Don’t you think this is a little hasty and even judgemental.
After all if Dom’s aren’t a little evil half the fun would be missing.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Well, you know my thoughts on this. Competitive subbing is not my thing. Mostly when I’m watching other people getting it I’m worried about them, how they’re taking it, even when it’s supposed to be fun. Because, you know, fun can hurt!
Anyway, the last thing that would be going through my mind is some sort of judgement or disdain. The same goes for the vast majority. I think you worry too much!
Did a post recently about spankocidal tendencies… spankees that push for a spanking that is far harder/longer than what they’d want in a ‘sane’ situation. Getting competitive in a group setting is definitely one of the leading causes of that. Have seen it many-many times.
Part of it is probably the excitement of being in a group setting. But, not wanting to look like a “light” player… or, ::gasp:: A WIMP… seems to be a much bigger part of it.
Honestly don’t see too many tops that push in a group setting, though it does happen. More common is spankers that take full advantage of those spankocidal tendencies. Ah, you want it harder… here you go… WHAM!
That’s where it pays for a spankee to have a friend that knows her limits… and understands that in a group setting, there is likely lots more play to come.
Good topic!
~Todd
I hate to admit it but I am certainly a lil guilty of this. I never judge another bottom on how or what they take. And as Rebecca says I feel empathy and sorrow for a fellow bottom being punished.
But I do find public punishments such as detention hard. I don’t know if it’s stubborness or competitive spirirt but I always find I can take a lot more when there are other people watching. And I’m as stoic as possible. It’s like I feed on the situation. The emotions of the scene don’t get to me as much, unless it’s an intense three-way play. And I find I can take it long and hard. I don’t know for who’s benefit this is. Not sure it benfits me at all. Just an admission
So basically – there’s loads of people wanting to take more and fearing they’re being called a wimp, but no-one actually thinking they are a wimp?
Talk about self-imposed anxiety!
I’ll be the first to admit I sometimes worry that I don’t take enough for my partners’ pleasure (which they’re always horrified by), but it’s never occurred to me that others would have any kind of judgement call on what I take compared to them. Not do I have a judgement on what they take – I might *notice* that someone can take loads / not a lot right now, but that brings no value judgement with it.
As long as everyone’s happy. That’s all that matters
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(Twee, but twue.)