Bend Over Jessica

Yes, it’s that time of the year again. Nearly time for Lord Fawcett’s annual Regency house party! That’s 20 people going to a secluded English country house for some excellent food, nice drink and stylish BDSM. Ok, it’s not for four months. But the planning is well-advanced!

I am usually Lord Fawcett’s (aka He Who Must Be Obeyed) hostess* and this year, I am attending as Mrs Juliet Derby. Want to find out more about her? Here you go!

‘Mrs Derby, nee Miss Juliet Maskell, was the ward of Lord Fawcett, The Marquess of Bathwick.  He kindly took her in following to her father’s death in penury and her mother fleeing the country in disgrace following a scandal involving a goat and the Member of Parliament for Orpington. Her mother went to the Deep South of America, obtained notoriety and great riches and died, leaving it all to her only daughter.

Mrs Derby, 28, came out in 1804 and in 1805 married Mr Henry Derby, rich industrialist and owner (amongst many other things) of Crown Derby china. Prior to marriage, she was pursued by several suitors, including Roger Fawcett, son of Lord Fawcett, Count Wilhelm Von Villinus of Austria and Jebediah (Jeb) Jefferson, a New Orleanian of some repute. All were prepared to overlook her somewhat dubious antecedents in favour of her substantial fortune, amassed by her mother in America through vaudeville halls, cotton and sugar plantations, stud-farming, gold and diamond mining interests, railway shares and houses of ill-repute.

1809 has been a sad year for Mrs Derby as news arrived in January of the death of Mr Derby in Port Said, who died of septicaemia after being bitten on the lip by a toxic gnat. Mrs Derby, although saddened by his death and without even a child of the union to remember him by, is determined to do justice to his memory by taking firm control of his numerous business interests as well as her own. In the meantime, now that she is out of mourning, as a respectable widow, she is happy to be the hostess of Lord Fawcett’s private frolics. In addition, she will be chaperoning three young ladies, in the hope that they will find a good match.

Mrs Derby spends a third of her time in the United States and when she is situ in Britain, her interests are taken care of by her American Manager, Mr Jebediah Jefferson. Mrs Derby is good friends with Lady Emma Cavendish and Lady Gilbert and the three of them are often to be seen at Drury Lane, Almacks, Vauxhall Pleasure Gardens and Gunters Tea Rooms. The fact that Mrs Derby is often required at the banks and business houses of the city is not much discussed – because she is always available by 3pm – society-friendly working hours being one of the joys of the modern Regency era. Mrs Derby, a notoriously early-riser, has a ‘work hard, play hard’ view of the world – and fully intends to enjoy the house party to the utmost!’

What is really making me laugh this year is that as a wealthy and respectable widow (albeit a young and merry one), I am considered fit to chaperone some of the more innocent ingénue’s at the house party! Pause for roar of laughter from those that know me well. I’ve never been a chaperone (in the Regency sense!) before and I’m torn between being a terrifying matron, such as Lady Catherine de Burgh in Pride and Prejudice or a bad influence, like Mary Crawford in Mansfield Park.Or possibly, and probably somewhat schizophrenically, both. So that will mean letting my charges misbehave because it amuses me and then either punishing them for it or getting them punished.

Oooo. Evil thoughts…

Mwahahahahahahahah!

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*Until he sees fit to replace me with a better model