Bend Over Jessica

Another dating themed post. This time on paper vs. real life.

I set great store by ‘good email’. What I mean by this is, if you are a dom and write to me and do any of the following:

a. have poor English grammar and atrocious spelling
b. cannot spell ‘discipline’
c. email in text speak
d. Write me a single sentence only (often saying ‘kneel bitch’)
e. Don’t tell me anything about yourself
f. Are obviously so far up your own bottom that serious surgery will be required to speak to your head.

Then you’ll get a polite no-thanks. However, I do (as you will see from my dating!) get a lot of good emails, funny, wry, imaginative, filthy, witty, kind – often all of those together. So then, I set up a date. I always do this. In the old days when I was young and stupid, I used to meet people straight away to play without meeting them in the flesh first. This lead to a lot of very bad play experiences. And that was because….

….People are not the same in real-life as they appear on paper….

It took me years to learn this. How, I used to ask myself, can a guy who seems such a lovegod on paper, be such a dork in real life?

First of all, there is the elusive chemistry. He writes well. His picture is nice. You meet him and – arghghgh. No chemistry. You don’t have the spark, the sudden yearning to be tipped over his knee and thrashed hard or to get on your knees and suck him to completion*.

Secondly (and yes, I am about to make a horrid cliché about men, but the reasons they are clichés is because they are true!) men do not represent themselves truthfully all the time. They talk up their good aspects and downplay their bad. Whereas girls, what you see tend to be what you get**.

Thirdly – and this is the hard one – sometimes guys are amazing on paper, but in real life – just not as exciting as you thought they were going to be. I think expectation plays a big part in this; you get an idea in your head of what they will be like and take it from there. Then the poor guy has to live up to these. Or you realise (with a sad sense of inevitability) is that the reason they are so good on paper is that they have had a lot of time to spend honing these skills, because they don’t get out much and never pull anyone.

And of course, some people are just really, really strange. So strange that you have to text your friend and say ‘Help! Emergency text!’. Then your friend sends you a text, saying that they are having a giant personal crisis and you have to break off the date to go and minister to her. Phew! Escape at last!

Wow, it’s such a minefield!

*******************************************
*Obviously in private. Not in the public place you’ve met him!
** Apart from the fact that I am eight pounds heavier than in my pictures. But I’m working on it!