Bend Over Jessica

Safe, Sane and Consensual.

These are the BDSM/CP maxims that I stick to rigidly. I never play with anyone who won’t abide by them. Play is sometimes a serious sport and you want to know that if you are subbing, you are safe and vice versa.

However, at the same time, non-consensuality rings every bell I have. I like to be taken, used, punished, abused. I like to have to do it. To be made to do something bad. I don’t do it with everyone – I have to like, trust and know a player well before I try this type of play because it’s very intense and difficult to do.

I get round this by always agreeing in advance what I want to do with a playmate – not a step-by-step guide, but an idea of what I like and dislike and then let the Dom run with it. I can always safeword if it’s too much. But generally, it’s not.

To a certain extent, most BDSM play can be seen as non-consensual, from the schoolgirl who reluctantly goes to see her Housemaster, knowing full well that he is going to cane her and she will have to bend over for him, through the PA who agrees to be spanked by her boss to avoid the sack or the Regency woman who submits meekly to her husband’s lusts because it’s her sacred duty. But what I’m talking about here is the more serious stuff – the kidnap victim who finds herself at the sadistic whim of her kidnappers, the spy who is captured by the enemy and interrogated, the ‘stranger’ who catches you in an alleyway and you can’t get away.

In real life, I can’t think of anything more terrible or horrible to be used, sexually or in other ways, when you don’t consent to it. It’s a awful crime to inflict on a person. But in a scene, being roughly grabbed by the hair, slapped viciously across the face, having my arms viciously twisted behind my back, being dragged to the ground, my clothing roughly rearranged, the kicking, the struggle, the need to escape, the futile failure to do so, the reluctant acknowledgement that this is going to happen whether you like it or not…..oh my. Oh My God.

I have no idea why I find this exciting and in a way, am slightly ashamed of doing so. For a long time, when I was first into the scene, I found it difficult to admit to and to ask Doms about for fear of seeming strange or twisted. Which in a way I am – but now I understand that it’s an essential part of my psyche and that it’s ok to indulge it in controlled conditions.

Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to do a scene where it’s not consensual. Where I really have no idea what’s going to happen and suddenly – it does. But it takes a certain type of Dom to feel comfortable in that role. And what’s scary is that I have no idea whether I’d actually like to meet them or if they are better stored in the darker recesses of my mind.

Who knows….?